The Situation
There's a specific kind of pressure that comes from having a template you actively don't want to repeat. Maybe he wasn't around, maybe he was around but distant, maybe there were things said or not said that are still sitting somewhere. Now there's a kid of your own, and a quiet, constant vigilance about not becoming that same story.
Trying to define yourself purely against another person's failures is exhausting and imprecise — it tells you what to avoid without telling you what to actually do instead. The more durable path is figuring out, specifically, what you actually want to give your kid, built from your own values, not just as the photographic negative of what you didn't get.
You don't have to earn the right to be different by constantly measuring yourself against him. You're not in competition with your father, you're just building something of your own. Let go of the comparison and focus on the actual relationship in front of you.
Get specific about what actually went wrong, not just the general sense that it did. Vague awareness that 'he wasn't present' doesn't tell you what presence looks like. Name the exact gaps, and you'll know exactly what to build instead of guessing.
This is worth talking through with real detail — tell the Council your story.
Tell the Council what's actually happening → Ask the Council