The Situation
There's no scoreboard for this one, which is exactly the problem. No performance review, no clear benchmark — just a quiet, recurring doubt that shows up at random moments: after losing your temper, after missing something, after comparing yourself to some idealized version of fatherhood that may not even be real.
The men who ask this question are, almost without exception, further from being a bad father than the ones who never wonder at all. The doubt itself is usually a sign of care, not evidence of failure. What actually separates a good father from a struggling one isn't the absence of mistakes — it's whether the mistakes get acknowledged and repaired, or ignored and repeated.
The fact that you're asking this question is most of your answer. Men who genuinely aren't trying don't lie awake wondering if they're doing enough. Give yourself real credit for the caring, not just the outcomes.
Nobody's out here getting it right every single day, and the dads pretending they are online are mostly performing for the camera. Show up, say sorry when you mess up, keep showing up tomorrow. That's most of the job, honestly.
Bring your specific doubts to the Council — they're worth talking through, not just carrying alone.
Tell the Council what's actually happening → Ask the Council