The Situation
It happens at dinner, at a holiday gathering, somewhere with an audience — a comment about something you did or didn't do, delivered with a laugh or an edge, in front of her parents, your siblings, whoever's around. Said in private, it might land as a normal complaint. Said in front of people, it lands completely differently, and it keeps happening.
Public criticism usually isn't really about the specific complaint — it's often a way of scoring a point she doesn't feel safe or able to make directly, or a pattern picked up from how conflict was handled in her own family growing up. Either way, addressing the content of the complaint misses the actual issue, which is where and how it's being delivered.
You're allowed to say, calmly and immediately, 'let's talk about this later, not right now' — in front of the same people, if that's what it takes. Protecting the moment isn't about winning, it's about refusing to let disagreements become a spectator sport.
The real conversation happens later, privately, without an audience for either of you: name exactly what happened, not how it made you feel in the abstract. 'You said X in front of my parents' is a fact she can respond to. A vague 'you embarrassed me' is not.
Your situation has details a general answer can't cover — tell the Council.
Tell the Council what's actually happening → Ask the Council